‘Consent’—The Defining Noun That Separates Sex from Rape, Sexual Assault, and Abuse
‘Consent’ is the defining noun that separates sex and consensual sexual activity from rape, sexual assault and abuse. Since early September, the face of a woman from a small village in southern France has dominated global front pages. Gisèle Pelicot is at the centre of a high-profile trial where the main defendant is her ex-husband, Dominique Pelicot. He has admitted that, for nearly a decade, he drugged her and invited other men to allegedly abuse her in her own bed, without her knowledge, all while he filmed the assaults. Fifty other men are also on trial alongside Pelicot, accused of rape—charges many of them deny. Some of the accused are expected to argue that they believed Gisèle Pelicot had consented to what happened to her. In response, she said of the men on trial: “These men are degenerates. They committed rape.” Dominique Pelicot and the other accused men—when they saw a woman unconscious in her own bed, did none of them stop to ask themselves a question? Did none of them have the sense to question what was happening? How could they possibly believe that any form of clear and freely given consent existed under those circumstances? In my forthcoming book, “NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety” I will make it crystal clear what ‘consent’ in above context means: “What distinguishes consensual sex or gestures of affection from sexual assault is consent. Sexual consent is a free, voluntary, and informed agreement between you and another person to participate in a sexual act. It must be clearly and freely communicated. Remember, you cannot give consent if you are underage, intoxicated, incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, asleep, or unconscious. If you find yourself agreeing to an activity under pressure, intimidation, or threat, that is not true consent because it was not given freely. Be aware that unequal power dynamics, such as those between you and an employer or teacher, also invalidate consent, as it cannot be freely given in these situations. Consent is all about clear communication, and you have the right to withdraw it at any point if you feel uncomfortable. While verbally withdrawing your consent can sometimes be challenging, you can also use non-verbal cues, such as showing discomfort, to withdraw your consent.” Concerningly, many countries, including those in the Americas, have legal definitions of rape based on force or the threat of force, rather than on the absence of consent. Equality Now’s recent study found that in 23 of the 43 jurisdictions surveyed in the Americas, the law requires the use of violence, threats, or taking advantage of the victim’s physical helplessness, incapacity, or inability to resist as elements of rape. Force-based definitions of rape fail to meet international human rights standards and are deeply problematic for several reasons. They often leave certain types of rape unpunished, contribute to rape myths, and reinforce the perception that victims are responsible for protecting themselves from being raped. They also severely limit the extent to which rape can be successfully prosecuted. Overall, these definitions ignore the realities faced by many women and girls in the context of rape or sexual assault and enable significant impunity for perpetrators. I will explore the definitions and legal aspects of rape and sexual assault in various countries, comparing them in the international edition of my book NEVER A VICTIM. — — — — — — — About the Author My name is Robert Kaiser. I am the author of NEVER A VICTIM, a book aimed at helping women prevent both physical and sexual violence. The UK edition will be available from on 20 November 2024, with an international edition following on 22 January 2025. Both editions will be available in hardcover and eBook formats, with audiobook versions scheduled for release in 2025. This extremely comprehensive guide book contains 504 pages, over 110,000 words, and includes numerous safety recommendations highlighted to enhance women’s safety, and empower women to trust in their innate ability to protect themselves and stay safe. Over the past three decades, I have dedicated myself to understanding violence against women, including sexual violence, specific acts of physical violence, and the individuals who perpetrate them. I have had the privilege of listening to and working with hundreds of female survivors of sexual and physical violence, whose incredible support I will forever appreciate. However, I have also engaged in extremely challenging and complex conversations with rapists, predators, and other criminals to help identify alarming behaviour traits and behaviour patterns. This allows us to predict future acts of violence and learn to prevent them. You can follow me on Facebook or LinkedIn.
Sexual Assault by a Trusted Person or Someone in Power or Authority
What distinguishes consensual sex or gestures of affection from sexual assault is consent. Sexual consent is a free, voluntary, and informed agreement between you and another person to participate in a sexual act. It must be clearly and freely communicated. You cannot give consent if you are underage, intoxicated, incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, asleep, or unconscious. If you find yourself agreeing to an activity under pressure, intimidation, or threat, that is not true consent because it was not given freely. Be aware that unequal power dynamics, such as those between you and an employer or teacher, also invalidate consent, as it cannot be freely given in these situations. Due to major news headlines in recent years, I hope we all have a greater understanding of what sexual assault by a trusted person or someone in power or authority entails. However, it is important to me to clarify this to ensure a correct understanding. In short, it refers to a person in a position of authority or dominance exerting their power over another through sexual conduct. The perpetrator may use various tactics, ranging from flattery and manipulation to humiliation, threats, or physical force, or any combination thereof. The method does not matter; if sexual words or actions are imposed on you against your will, it qualifies as sexual assault or abuse. Perpetrators can be almost anyone, but they are often someone the victim knows, frequently people in positions of authority such as workplace superiors, teachers, sports trainers, doctors, police officers, or priests. Many stories of sexual abuse share a common narrative: someone in a position of power uses that position to perpetrate sexual abuse for purposes of control, manipulation, gratification, or ego. Sexual misconduct and assault most often occur in unequal power dynamics, where the perpetrator holds a dominant position relative to the victim. It can happen quickly and unexpectedly, but sexual misconduct often begins with something minor or subtle and then escalates. Some of the most publicised cases have occurred in the US. For example, Catholic dioceses have paid over $3.8 billion to settle claims of sexual assault by clergy since the 1980s. In May 2018, Michigan State University reached a $500 million settlement with 332 victims of Larry Nassar, who was a USA Gymnastics national team doctor and osteopathic physician at Michigan State. In October 2017, The New York Times reported that dozens of women accused American film producer Harvey Weinstein of rape, sexual assault, and abuse over a period of at least 30 years, with over 80 women in the film industry eventually coming forward. He was ultimately sentenced to prison for sexual abuse, sexual violence, and rape. We also remember American financier and sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. Following his suspicious death in 2019, thousands of court documents related to him were made public in early 2024, detailing Epstein’s sexual abuse and trafficking of underage girls. The number of victims is believed to be significantly higher than 100, with some as young as 12. In December 2023, an anonymous woman, known as “Jane Doe,” filed a federal lawsuit against the artist and music producer Sean Combs (formerly known as Puff Daddy)). He is now accused of racketeering, sex trafficking, and transportation to engage in prostitution, alleging that he “abused, threatened, and coerced women and others around him to fulfil sexual desires, protect his reputation, and conceal his conduct.” But here in the UK, the situation is not much different. A current investigation claims that Mohamed Al-Fayed, the former owner of Harrods, abused his power to harass and rape employees. So far, more than 60 women have come forward to accuse him of sexual abuse, sexual assault, and rape while they were working at his famous British luxury department store or his football club Fulham F.C. Sadly, this number is likely to increase in the coming days, weeks and months. This is a stark reminder that predators and monsters (as many of us like to call them) often hide in plain sight. As I stated in the very first chapter of my forthcoming book NEVER A VICTIM, they are always someone’s husband, son, brother, best friend, trusted associate, helpful neighbour, respected colleague, or person of authority; often respected by those around them, admired by the media, and sometimes surrounded by millions of social media followers. Sadly, predatory people in power often evade justice due to their social influence, powerful associates, and ability to silence victims with money. If you have experienced anything of this nature, please let me emphasise that it was in no way your fault, and you should not blame yourself. Unequal power dynamics invalidate consent, as it cannot be freely given in such situations. With this in mind, you may wish to seek help, consider coming forward, and explore the possibility of pressing charges. About the Author My name is Robert Kaiser. I am the author of NEVER A VICTIM: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety, a book aimed at helping women prevent both physical and sexual violence. The UK edition will be available from on 20 November 2024, with an international edition following on 22 January 2025. Both editions will be available in hardcover and eBook formats, with audiobook versions scheduled for release in Spring 2025. This extremely comprehensive guide book contains 504 pages, over 110,000 words, and includes numerous safety recommendations highlighted to enhance women’s safety, and empower women to trust in their innate ability to protect themselves and stay safe. Over the past three decades, I have dedicated myself to understanding violence against women, including sexual violence, specific acts of physical violence, and the individuals who perpetrate them. I have had the privilege of listening to and working with hundreds of female survivors of sexual and physical violence, whose incredible support I will forever appreciate. However, I have also engaged in extremely challenging and complex conversations with rapists, predators, and other criminals to help identify alarming behaviour traits and behaviour patterns. This allows us to predict future acts of violence and learn to prevent them.
Three Decades of Progress: Celebrating the Violence Against Women Act
As the United States marks the 30th anniversary of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), the Justice Department has announced over $690 million in grant funding through the Office on Violence Against Women (OVW). This funding aims to strengthen services and justice responses for victims and survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking across the country. Originally passed in 1994, VAWA was the first comprehensive federal law designed to prevent and address gender-based violence. Since then, it has been reauthorised multiple times, expanding resources and protections for survivors. This recent funding emphasises three decades of progress and continued commitment to ending violence against women. Deputy Attorney General Lisa Monaco, reflecting on VAWA’s journey, stated, “I was privileged to work on the passage of the original Violence Against Women Act thirty years ago — landmark legislation that transformed how our nation responds to domestic violence and sexual assault. Our country’s progress to prevent gender-based violence is not finished, but we have come a long way since 1994 thanks to the hard work of survivors, advocates, and members of law enforcement — including the women and men of the Justice Department — who work every day to hold perpetrators accountable and protect survivors. The grants we’re announcing today reaffirm our commitment to building safe communities for all, free from violence and fear.” Since its inception, VAWA has supported numerous initiatives to enhance services for survivors and increase accountability for offenders. The law’s advancement reflects a growing understanding of the complexities of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking and the need for comprehensive, community-based responses. The newly announced funds will be allocated through several grant programs, including over $171 million for the STOP (Services, Training, Officers, and Prosecutors) Violence Against Women Formula Grants Program. This program fosters coordinated responses among law enforcement, courts, and victim services across all 50 states and six U.S. territories. Additional grants will provide over $52 million for sexual assault services, $40 million for transitional housing, and $24 million to enhance the criminal justice system’s response to these crimes. “The power of VAWA is that it is centred on the lived realities and leadership of survivors,” said Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) Director Rosie Hidalgo. “By identifying what works well that can be expanded and enhanced, and identifying gaps and barriers, we can continue to improve VAWA and ensure that we are supporting all survivors, including those from historically marginalized communities and underserved populations who often face multiple barriers to services and safety.” Established in 1995 to implement VAWA, the OVW has provided more than $11 billion in funding. Three decades on, violence against women continues to exist, and so the fight shall continue. As VAWA marks this milestone, it serves as both a reminder of the progress made and a call to action for the work still required to ensure safety, justice, and healing for all survivors. — About the Author My name is Robert Kaiser. I am the author of NEVER A VICTIM: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety, a book aimed at helping women prevent both physical and sexual violence. The UK edition will be available from on 20 November 2024, with an international edition following on 22 January 2025. Both editions will be available in hardcover and eBook formats, with audiobook versions scheduled for release in Spring 2025. This extremely comprehensive guide book contains 504 pages, over 110,000 words, and includes numerous safety recommendations highlighted to enhance women’s safety, and empower women to trust in their innate ability to protect themselves and stay safe. Over the past three decades, I have dedicated myself to understanding violence against women, including sexual violence, specific acts of physical violence, and the individuals who perpetrate them. I have had the privilege of listening to and working with hundreds of female survivors of sexual and physical violence, whose incredible support I will forever appreciate. However, I have also engaged in extremely challenging and complex conversations with rapists, predators, and other criminals to help identify alarming behaviour traits and behaviour patterns. This allows us to predict future acts of violence and learn to prevent them. You can follow me on Facebook or LinkedIn.