Empowering Conversations: How to Guide Your Teenage Daughter on Safety, Consent, and Boundaries
Have an open and honest conversation about safety, consent, and healthy boundaries in the context of relationships, sex, and general adolescent development. That way they are much better understood. Parents should provide an environment that empowers young women to independently make choices while building their confidence. I know that discussions of such sensitive topics are not always very easy to start. Parents have to approach such conversations with a great level of empathy: listen to their daughters without immediate criticism or interruptions. Such openness allows teenagers to be more open with their thoughts, knowing that their viewpoints are valued. Using real-life scenarios, appropriate media, or a current event can be great ways to open a conversation. For instance, discussing a film or news story about someone going through relationship problems helps to normalise the topic and make it relatable. Consent and Boundaries Daughters should be taught the principle of mutual agreement in all relationships. Consent is not the absence of a “no”; consent is the presence of an enthusiastic “yes.” The daughter should be advised that this also applies to physical relationships, let alone other life aspects. As stated by RAINN, the largest anti-sexual violence organisation in the US, “consent is about communication, and it must be given without coercion, pressure, or manipulation.” This view emphasises the recognition of both verbal and non-verbal cues in relationships. I have delved into the subject of ‘consent’ in my blog: ‘Consent’ — Separating Sex from Rape, Sexual Assault, and Abuse. Encourage your daughter to appreciate that others’ boundaries are important too, just as she has a right to her own. Engage her in role-playing on situations where she may want to say no, or even in scenarios where she feels she may want to. She should be told that saying no is okay, even when it might appear easier to say yes, if it were something that would make her uncomfortable. Technology and Safety In today’s world, technology can be a great ally in personal safety, but at the same time, it presents its challenges. Parents should teach daughters online safety, like recognising red flags when someone asks for private information or sends inappropriate messages. Encourage the use of safety apps that let teenagers quickly alert trusted contacts if they don’t feel safe. Discuss with them the possible risks of oversharing on social media platforms and how important privacy settings are. Meanwhile, make sure your daughter knows she can always come to you with any concerns regarding online interactions without receiving any sort of punishment or judgement. Keeping the lines of communication open about digital safety is critical. Recognising Manipulative Behaviours An important part of looking after your daughter’s well-being is teaching her how to recognise manipulation in others. Explain common methods, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or the isolation of an individual from their support network. Role-play different scenarios that might help her identify these behaviours and practise active responses. As psychologist Dr Lisa Damour, an expert in adolescent development, explains in her book Untangled, teenagers are often testing the boundaries as they learn about independence. Parents should strike a balance between guidance and allowing daughters to learn from safe, controlled experiences. This empowers them to trust their instincts and develop critical thinking skills. Building Self-Confidence and Resilience Confidence is a protective factor against manipulation and exploitation. Encourage your daughter in activities that will help her build self-esteem, be it through sports, the arts, volunteering, or attending to hobbies she is interested in. Praise her achievements and efforts; focus on character and strengths, not appearance. Building resilience also means teaching her to view setbacks constructively. You may want to share stories from your own life where you overcame challenges. Also, remind her that mistakes are part of growth. Resilience will help her face challenging situations with grace and determination. The Importance of Friends Friends have a huge influence on the perception and choices of teenagers. Encourage your daughter to form healthy, supportive friendships. Discuss toxic relationships, be they romantic or platonic, and how to identify them, with a mutual respect basis. Teach her to be an upstander, not a bystander. Empower her to speak out against bullying, harassment, or unsafe behaviours. Not only will it reinforce her values, but it also helps her develop skills in self- and peer advocacy. Empowerment through Education Knowledge is the key to empowerment and safety. Inform her with the following practical tips: She should trust her instincts. If something feels bad, it probably is. Be aware of the environment, wherever she may be, especially new environments. Let a trusted friend or family member know her plans. Know where to get help if in danger, whether calling a helpline, contacting a trusted adult, or using resources in the community. One of the most empowering things a parent can do is acknowledge that dangers exist but reassure their daughter that she is capable of navigating the world safely with the right tools and mindset. When Things Go Wrong: Providing Support Notwithstanding all precautions, nobody is protected from bad experiences. Make your daughter understand that in case something goes wrong, she will always have your unconditional support. Reassure her that she will never be blamed for what happened to her and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Laying the Foundation for a Lifetime of Safety By having these conversations now, you are giving your daughter the tools she will carry for life. You’re teaching her not just how to stay safe but also how to stand up for herself and others. The lessons you instil today will guide her in forming healthy relationships and making smart choices as she grows into adulthood. Subject to the age and maturity of your daughter, you may wish to discuss the content of my article: Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Your Checklist For wider information on women’s safety and consent, including detailed advice for parents, I recommend referring to my book entitled NEVER A VICTIM: The Definitive Guide