Stalking Survival Guide for Women: Expert Advice for Staying Safe

Stalking is a persistent and obsessive course of conduct that instils fear, distress, and frequently culminates in violence. Often associated with abusive relationships, it can destroy lives. Stalking is a criminal offence in many countries, yet victims frequently fail to recognise their experiences as stalking. Instead of asking, “Are you being stalked?”, questions about specific behaviours are more effective.

This resource sheds light on stalking behaviours and provides real-world safety solutions. Stalking is not romantic or flattering—it is about obsession, control, and harm.

Understanding Stalking

The concept of a stranger lurking in the shadows is far from the truth in most cases, as most stalkers are known to their victims. Statistics reveal alarming trends:

• United States: According to the Domestic Violence Services Network, Inc., 42% of victims of stalking are acquainted with their stalker, while 40% of victims are stalked by a current or former partner.
• Australia: The Australian Bureau of Statistics cited research showing that 78 per cent of women stalked by men knew their stalker.
• England and Wales: Safer Futures, a UK charity, estimated that as many as 45 per cent of stalking victims are stalked by ex-partners.

In the UK, the most recent statistics from the Office for National Statistics showed that 1 in 5 women will be a victim of stalking at some point in their lives, highlighting the imperative for awareness and action.

Stalking behaviours include unwanted repeated contact, surveillance, malicious communications, property damage, or threats. Some cases escalate to physical or sexual violence.

A chilling example is the ordeal of Grace Smith in 2024. After Grace rebuffed his advances, Karl Chads launched a terrifying campaign of harassment against her. His actions included breaking into her home, stealing personal belongings, and sending her disturbing messages. Despite repeatedly reporting him to the police, their initial inaction left Grace to take matters into her own hands by installing security measures and practising self-defence. Eventually, Chads was arrested and sentenced to 13 years in prison. Grace’s courage to document evidence and seek justice shows the power of resilience.

Another example is the story of an Australian woman whose ex-partner used GPS tracking devices and spyware against her. It highlights that stalkers now employ new methods. These stories emphasise the need to be proactive regarding safety and that stalking must be treated as a crime.

Types of Stalkers

In the 1999 article “Study of Stalkers,” Australian clinical and forensic psychology experts identified five motivational types of stalking. While each type differs, the safety advice provided later applies to them all.

• The Rejected Stalker: This type emerges when a close relationship ends. Victims are often former sexual intimates, but family members, close friends, or others who have rejected the stalker can also be targets. The motivation is either to reconcile or seek revenge for the perceived rejection.
• The Resentful Stalker: Arising from feelings of mistreatment or humiliation, this stalker targets strangers or acquaintances they believe have wronged them. Their actions are often linked to severe mental illness or paranoia, with revenge or inducing fear as primary motivations.
• The Intimacy-Seeking Stalker: Motivated by loneliness and a lack of close relationships, this stalker targets strangers or acquaintances in a delusional attempt to form an emotional connection or intimate relationship. Severe mental illness often drives their behaviour.
• The Incompetent Suitor: Driven by loneliness or lust, this stalker targets strangers or acquaintances for a date or short-term sexual relationship rather than love. Their persistence is often brief but can be indifferent to the victim’s distress, sometimes due to poor social skills, developmental conditions, or intellectual disabilities.

Effective Ways to Protect Yourself from Stalkers

If you have been stalked, these actions will considerably enhance your safety:

1. No Contact

After clearly informing the stalker their attention is unwelcome, avoid all contact. Inform friends, family, and colleagues to do the same. Stalkers seek reactions, so remaining unresponsive is crucial. If unavoidable contact occurs, show no emotion and seek safety.

2. Speak to Trusted Individuals

Share your situation with those around you. This can:

• Prevent unintentional disclosure of your whereabouts.
• Involve others in documenting suspicious events.
• Provide emotional support.
• Give descriptions or pictures of the stalker and their vehicle to trusted contacts and ask them to avoid engaging with the stalker.

3. Increase Personal Safety

• Changing Routines: Vary routes and schedules to make it harder to be predictable.
• Emergency Numbers: Store emergency numbers and teach children how to use them.
• Communicate Plans: Let family members know where you are going and at what time, and create check-ins.
• Check Devices: Ensure mobile phones and vehicles are free from tracking devices. Periodically review app settings for potential weaknesses.
• Readiness: Have a charged phone and a powerful torch handy.

4. Be Vigilant

If followed, stay calm and:

• Change direction or detour into crowded areas.
• Use reflective surfaces to check for followers.
• Move to public or CCTV-monitored places.
• Familiarise yourself with safe spaces along your daily routes, such as large shops, hospitals, major public buildings, or police stations. Knowing instinctivly where to go when in danger can make all the difference to your peace of mind.

5. Secure Your Home

• Install alarms, door chains, peepholes, motion detectors, and cameras at doors.
• Don’t leave keys lying around outside. Consider locking your fuse box.
• Identify a “safe room” with strong doors and keep an fully charged extra phone in it.
• Know your neighbours to foster an increased sense of safety within the community.

6. Safeguard Personal Information

• Install letterboxes with locks and shred sensitive documents.
• Be cautious when sharing personal details, both online and in person.
• Opt out of public directories and voter rolls.
• When using social media, avoid posting real-time updates about your location or daily routines. Adjust privacy settings to restrict access to your information. Tools like two-factor authentication add extra security to your online accounts.

7. Document Incidents

• Keep a detailed log of stalking behaviours, including dates, times, and descriptions. Attach evidence such as photos, messages, or witness accounts. This documentation is critical for legal action.
• Consider using apps designed for personal safety, which allow discreet recording of audio or video evidence. These tools can be invaluable in legal proceedings.

8. Legal Protections

Legal protections vary significantly worldwide, with differing processes, effectiveness, and accessibility. For example:

• UK: Stalking Protection Orders and Non-Molestation Orders are available.
• Other Countries: Legal systems may offer less viable remedies.

I urge you to research legal options specific to your country and consult a qualified legal advisor. Stalking specialists can also provide additional guidance through the legal process.

Support and Resources

Specialised organisations can provide essential guidance, such as:

• USA: SPARC (Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center).
• Canada: Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime.
• UK: Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service.
• Australia: 1800RESPECT.
• Italy: 1522 helpline and app.

Moreover, the emergency helplines and support services in your country will also be able to provide immediate help and guidance relevant to your situation.

Final Thoughts

Stalking is a crime that requires vigilance and action. Now that technology-enabled stalking has become common through devices such as GPS trackers and spyware, the need to be informed and proactive has become an urgent matter.

Trust your intuition, take practical steps to ensure safety, and get professional help. You are not alone, and help is available. Knowledge and action will help re-establish a sense of security.

For further advice on how to improve your personal safety, please consider reading my book NEVER A VICTIM, or read my blog highlighting the most important personal safety tips for women, and find the answer  to the actual question: What is personal safety?