The mask of the stranger lurking in the shadows has long dominated narratives of societal perception about rape. This image is portrayed in media, cautionary tales, and even professional safety campaigns. But how real is this? Research and statistics strongly support that rapists are usually not strangers, but individuals known to the victim survivor. My article explores the evidence, the reasons behind this reality, and the societal implications of this misunderstood truth.
Breaking the Myth: Rapists Are Rarely Strangers
RAINN, the largest nonprofit anti-sexual assault organisation in the USA, reports that 39% of sexual assaults in the United States are committed by acquaintances, and 33% by current or former intimate partners. The US based National Sexual Violence Resource Centre reports that more than half (51.1%) of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance. These statistics provide evidence of one troubling fact: most rapists are people whom the victim knows and may even be very close to.
This has also been evidenced globally: It has been estimated that over 90% of all rapes and sexual assaults involve victims who knew their attacker, according to a study conducted by Scottish University of Glasgow. These statistics further confute the traditional narrative of “stranger danger” and instead point to the proximity of danger within everyday relationships.
This perpetuates the dangerous myth that rape is mainly a crime committed by strangers, providing people a false sense of security and promoting negative stereotypes. A well respected colleague of mine (a pain, stress, and trauma psychologist) once said to me: “By focusing on strangers, we don’t prepare individuals to deal with the actual risks, which come from people known to them.”
Why Familiarity Increases Vulnerability
The fact that most rapists are known to their victims provides an added layer of familiarity that supplies the rapist with victim specific information, trust, and access. Attackers who are within the social networks of the victim (through friendship, family, or intimate partnership), use proximity to their advantage in subtle, exploitative ways that might blur boundaries, lowering the victim’s defences.
Perhaps one of the most harrowing examples of this dynamic is the case of Dominique Pelicot, highlighted in all news outlets around the world. A trusted family member, Pelicot used his position as trusted husband to become one of history’s most prolific sexual predators. This abuse often went undetected because of broad societal assumptions that family members or acquaintances are inherently safe.
Familiarity also allows for psychological manipulation, often referred to as grooming. Grooming involves gaining the trust and dependence of the victim before exploitation. This is particularly common when there is a young or vulnerable victim. Perpetrators use subtle methods to desensitise their victims to inappropriate behaviour, making it more difficult for them to identify the abuse or report it. Victims often report feeling trapped or confused, unsure if what they are experiencing actually constitutes abuse.
The Role of Misconceptions and Victim Blaming
When the perpetrator is a familiar face, societal reactions can become more complicated. Victims often face additional layers of victim-blaming. Questions like “Why didn’t you leave?” or “How could you not see the signs?” shift the focus from the perpetrator’s actions to the victim’s perceived shortcomings. This kind of blame not only retraumatises victims but also creates an environment in which future survivors feel discouraged from seeking help.
Moreover, the fear of destroying relationships or facing social repercussions keeps many victims silent. According to RAINN, two out of three sexual assaults go unreported, often due to fear of not being believed or fear of retaliation. When the rapist is a family member, intimate partner, or close acquaintance, the stakes are even higher. The emotional and social ties to the perpetrator can make the decision to report extraordinarily complex.
This societal tendency to doubt the victim when the attacker is known to them not only discourages reporting but also perpetuates the cycle of abuse. Survivors have to navigate a justice system and a society that all too often protects the reputation of the perpetrator over the well-being of the victim. The stigma of such cases leaves victims in isolation, which worsens their trauma and makes recovery harder.
Shifting the Narrative:
Addressing and changing the misconceptions about sexual violence will better protect individuals and support survivors. Public education campaigns must work to erase the myth of “stranger danger” and build a reality-based understanding in its place. Understanding that most rapes involve perpetrators known to the victim will effectively inform people about the nature of the threat and may help them recognise warning signs. Educators at all levels, religious leaders, and media representatives all have a role to play in changing public perception about these crimes.
Equally important is the support of victims. Support groups provide resources and safe spaces for survivors. These organisations not only provide support but also help educate communities about the dynamics of sexual violence. Legal frameworks also need to evolve to deal more effectively with the complexities of cases involving known perpetrators. For example, a number of jurisdictions are broadening their definitions of consent and grooming to include the power dynamics common in these cases. Law enforcement and judicial systems should make victim-centred approaches a priority to encourage reporting and aid recovery.
Community-based initiatives can also provide support. Encouraging bystander intervention and increasing awareness about tactics used to groom can empower individuals to act when they suspect abuse. Programmes in schools, workplaces, and communities should place the onus on the offender rather than the victim. These programmes should emphasise the importance of trust and highlight red flags that might indicate grooming or predatory behaviour. By creating environments in which individuals feel empowered to act, society can begin to break the cycle of abuse.
The fact that rapists are more often people known to victim survivors, their friends, work colleagues, neighbours, family members, and intimate partners, isn’t a comfortable truth to confront, but regrettably it is an evidence-based reality. Recognising this truth is crucial to empowering individuals, supporting survivors, and preventing future crimes. Shifting the paradigm is imperative to ending victim-blaming and fostering belief in survivors. This responsibility lies with all of us, as individuals, communities, and institutions.
If you wish to better understand violence against women and find out more about the reality behind the myths, I invite you to read my book NEVER A VICTIM, unquestionably the most comprehensive women’s safety book to date. Alternativly please read my latest blogs: Stalking Survival Guide for Women: Expert Advice for Staying Safe and Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Your Checklist.