Stalking is a crime of control, fear, and obsession. I understand it can be terrifying, and I am aware that it can have devastating psychological and physical impacts.
Research confirms this. The Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center reports that 92% of victims experience psychological harm and many develop physical health problems, including chronic pain, headaches, or even heart issues (SPARC, 2024). This is not “just unwanted attention.” It is dangerous, traumatic, and requires decisive action.
As criminal behavioural analyst Laura Richards has long argued, stalking is “murder in slow motion,” a gradual, escalating threat that cannot be dismissed (Richards, 2017).
This step-by-step guide, drawing on psychologists, criminologists, sociologists, and law-enforcement guidance, will walk you through what to do if you are being stalked, and how to take back control of your safety. The objective of this article is not to spread fear but to offer advice for individuals in distress and seeking answer to questions they may have.
Step 1: Trust Your Instincts — Your Safety Comes First
If something feels wrong, it usually is. Too often, stalking is minimised or excused, victims are told they are “paranoid” or “overreacting.” In my book NEVER A VICTIM and in my blog Trust Your Intuition: A Woman’s Greatest Ally for Personal Safety, I have explained in great depth that your instinct is one of your most powerful survival tools.
Your fear is valid. Your safety must come first. Avoid confronting or reasoning with the stalker. Instead, focus on protecting yourself.
Psychologist Dr Emma Short warns that the consequences can be “profound, affecting health, functioning, and creating a sense of helplessness” (Short, 2021).
Step 2: Document Every Incident — Evidence Is Your Strongest Protection
Evidence is your best defence. Keep a detailed log of every incident, including:
- Date, time, and location
- What happened
- Witnesses if any
- Photos, screenshots, texts, emails, voicemails, or letters
Do not delete messages, instead store them safely. Even small details can later establish a clear pattern of behaviour.
The Stalking Risk Profile outlines the “four golden rules” for victims: no contact with the stalker, tell others, increase personal protection, and collect evidence (Stalking Risk Profile, n.d.). These principles are widely used by advocates and law-enforcement professionals.
Health impacts further justify documentation. Recent data shows 32% of stalking victims seek mental-health support, while 28% see medical professionals because the effects are clinically significant (SPARC, 2024). In other words: if you are recording distress, your body and mind are backing you up with hard evidence.
Step 3: Strengthen Your Digital and Physical Boundaries
Many stalkers exploit technology. Carefully audit your digital life:
- Lock down your privacy settings on social media.
- Disable geotagging on photos and posts.
- Change passwords and enable two-factor authentication.
- Avoid posting routines or travel plans publicly.
Step 4: Report Stalking and Demand the Protection You Deserve
If you are being stalked, report it to the police. Bring your documentation and evidence, and explain why you feel afraid. Be explicit: stalking is not about isolated incidents but a pattern of behaviour that causes fear.
The College of Policing recommends forces assign a Stalking Single Point of Contact (SPOC); an officer trained to recognise risk and advise colleagues (College of Policing, 2024). Ask if your local force has one.
Yet inspection after inspection has revealed systemic failures. HMICFRS (2024) found that both law and police guidance must be strengthened to improve responses to stalking. More recently, the National Police Chiefs’ Council (NPCC, 2025) warned that support for stalking victims remains a “postcode lottery,” with inconsistent practice across forces (The Guardian, 2025).
On a promising note, recent law-enforcement data reveals a remarkable 800% increase in stalking-specific training since 2023. These updated programs now include modules on cyberstalking, tech-facilitated abuse, and are delivered in partnership with victims and advocates, boosting frontline officers’ ability to recognize and respond effectively to modern stalking threats (NPCC/College of Policing, 2025).
Legal remedies such as restraining orders or injunctions can help but be aware: some stalkers escalate immediately after orders are served. This does not mean you should avoid legal steps, but it underlines the need for parallel safety planning.
Step 5: Build a Strong Support Network to Stay Safe
Isolation is the stalker’s ally. Therefore, tell trusted friends, family, colleagues, and neighbours about your experiences and concerns. Share photos of the stalker and let people know how they can help. Stalking Risk Profile guidance highlights that telling others both improves your safety and creates potential witnesses (Stalking Risk Profile, n.d.).
Psychologists note that social support also buffers the trauma impact. By involving others, you not only increase physical safety but reclaim some of the emotional control the stalker seeks to erode.
Step 6: Create a Personal Safety Plan That Puts You in Control
Develop a plan that reduces predictability and increases safety, but let me be clear, planning does not mean you are paranoid. It means you are prepared.
- Vary or change your routes to work, schools, shops or other regular locations.
- Make your home more secure by installing improved motion-sensor outdoor lighting, CCTV, and/or alarm systems.
- Make your workplace more secure by sharing any relevant information about your stalker with colleagues, for example, a description of the person, a photograph, and, if possible, details of their vehicle and registration plate.
- Establish a safe word with friends or colleagues so they know when to act urgently.
- Identify safe places nearby and on your daily commutes (friends’ houses, supermarkets, large petrol stations, busy public areas, police stations, or hospitals).
- Consider a personal safety app, but use it as backup or supporting tool, not your only defence.
Step 7: Protect Your Mental Health and Emotional Well-Being
Stalking is not just disruptive; it is deeply traumatic. The Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center highlights its health toll: insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, PTSD, and physical symptoms such as chronic pain and cardiac issues (SPARC, 2024).
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It is a very smart strategy. Trauma-informed therapy, support groups, and survivor networks can help you process fear and ultimately regain stability in your life.
When Stalking and Domestic Abuse Collide — Why It Increases Danger
For many women, stalking is not separate from domestic abuse; it is part of it. Abusers often stalk their partners during the relationship as a method of coercive control, or after separation to punish or reassert dominance.
Research shows that stalking is a common post-separation tactic and a major predictor of lethal violence. In fact, a UK study found that in 94% of domestic homicides, stalking behaviours were present before the murder (Richards, 2017).
This overlap makes stalking particularly traumatic for survivors of domestic abuse. They are not only managing the trauma of past violence but are forced to live in a state of hyper-vigilance, always anticipating the abuser’s next move.
If you have left an abusive partner and are being stalked, your risk is heightened. Again, this is not to frighten you, but to underline the urgency of improving your personal security, seeking legal protection, and consulting specialist domestic abuse services.
Take Back Control: Steps to Protect Yourself and Reclaim Your Safety
Stalking is not a misunderstanding and not an inconvenience, and it is most certainly not a joke. It is a crime. It destroys lives, undermines safety, and can escalate to lethal violence if ignored.
A chilling example is the ordeal of Grace Smith in 2024. After Grace rebuffed his advances, Karl Chads launched a terrifying campaign of harassment against her. His actions included breaking into her home, stealing personal belongings, and sending her disturbing messages. Despite repeatedly reporting him to the police, their initial inaction left Grace to take matters into her own hands by installing security measures and practising self-defence. Eventually, Chads was arrested and sentenced to 13 years in prison. Grace’s courage to document evidence and seek justice shows the power of resilience.
You are not alone, and you are most certainly not to blame. Stalking is about the stalker’s behaviour, not your choices. What matters now is taking practical steps, one by one, toward safety and ultimately freedom.
About the Author
Now recognised as a Gender-Based Violence Expert, Robert Kaiser specialises in criminology-informed strategies to prevent violence against women, integrating insights from sociology and behavioural psychology. He is currently pursuing a PhD in Criminology, focusing on Synthesising Escalation Pattern Analysis Across the Dynamics of Intimate Partner Violence to Improve Lethality Assessments. If you would like to follow his academic journey and access his publications, please visit his ResearchGate profile.
Robert has worked closely with hundreds of female survivors of physical and sexual crimes and is the author of NEVER A VICTIM, a 530-page survivor-led, trauma-informed guide to women’s safety.
References
- College of Policing (2024). Stalking or harassment: advice for investigators.
- HMICFRS (2024). The police response to stalking.
- NPCC (2025). Progress on stalking super-complaint recommendations.
- Richards, L. (2017). Stalking: Murder in Slow Motion. Paladin.
- Sheridan, L. (2022). Stalkers: Specialists Versus Generalists. Journal of Interpersonal Violence.
- Short, E. (2021). Cyberstalking research, De Montfort University.
- SPARC (2024). Health Impacts of Stalking: Fact Sheet.
- Stalking Risk Profile (n.d.). General advice for victims.
- Women’s Aid (2016). Digital Stalking: A Guide to Technology Risks.