Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Your Checklist
Are you unsure about your date, your new relationship, or whether your current relationship has taken a worrisome turn? Of course, there are the more obvious signs of abuse, such as verbal threats and physical violence. However, many have expressed concerns or uncertainty, telling me they were unsure whether certain actions or behaviours should be considered abusive or toxic. This brief article is highlighting several warning signs of an abusive relationship. I have put this checklist together with you in mind and will attempt to highlight some of the more cunning, but equally important signs of an abusive and unhealthy relationship. Whether you’ve recently started dating, your relationship has taken a discouraging turn, or you’re noticing behaviours that feel unsettling, this article aims to provide clarity. When it comes to your safety and well-being, it’s most certainly important to err on the side of caution. It’s equally important to periodically assess both new and long-established relationships for troubling behaviours. 18 Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Disregarding the Word ‘No’ This is, hands down, the number one question: does your date or partner respect your boundaries? If you say no—to a drink, to a kiss, to staying out longer, or even to something as simple as a movie or song choice—does he listen? Or does he casually override your objections, perhaps with a smile to make it seem less wrong? A man who does not take ‘no’ for an answer is not respecting your autonomy and can be displaying manipulative behaviour. This is not about manners or politeness; this is about basic respect. If he does not take ‘no’ for an answer, then walk away. Respecting boundaries is non-negotiable. Every time your ‘no’ is dismissed, it undermines your ability to feel safe and respected within the relationship. Recognise this as a red flag that may indicate further controlling behaviour in the future. Gaslighting Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation to make you question your sanity or perception. Examples: Denial of events or conversations. Accusations of overreaction on your part. Shift of blame onto you. Withholding of important information. If you find yourself constantly questioning your sanity or saying sorry for everything, then it is time to re-evaluate this relationship. Gaslighting undermines confidence and self-determination. Over time, it can make you feel dependent on the very person causing the harm as you may begin to doubt your ability to explore life independently. Typecasting Typecasting is labelling you so that you must prove the label wrong. Example: “You’re unadventurous” as a way of forcing you into doing something you don’t want to do. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Your boundaries are more important than someone else’s opinion. Giving in to this usually means you compromise your values or safety, so prioritise your comfort and decisions. Loan Sharking This involves offering unsolicited help to make you feel indebted. For example: fixing something for you and then expecting a favour in return. Healthy relationships don’t rely on transactional dynamics. Genuine kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. Loan sharking creates a power imbalance where you feel obligated to repay favours, often at the cost of your comfort or safety. This is a tactic often used to establish control under the guise of generosity. Love Bombing Love bombing is most certainly something to watch out for on a date or at an early stage in the relationship. This is smothering you with excessive attention, gifts, or flattery with the goal of quickly gaining one’s trust and/or love. Love bombing is almost always followed by control or abuse. While it may seem flattering at first, love bombing is many times manipulative and unsustainable. It puts you in a position where you believe you need to return the excessively strong feelings of love, even if those feelings feel suffocating or untrue. Disregard for Your Privacy A healthy relationship respects your need for space. If your partner continues to invade your personal time or privacy, that could be possessiveness and a lack of boundaries. This may be in the form of going through your belongings, checking messages, and insisting on being part of everything in your life. Pressure to Commit Quickly Rushing into commitment—be that by moving in together, getting engaged, or making joint decisions in an already established relationship—is a way to cut your time short to consider the relationship critically. Take your time and trust your instincts. A partner who respects you will understand the need to move at a pace that feels right for both of you. Refusal to Apologise Everyone makes mistakes, but a partner who refuses to apologise or admit fault is not taking accountability. Most of the time, this is indicative of entitlement and an inability to empathise. A refusal to apologise does not just tear down trust; it shows complete disregard for your feelings and the well-being of the relationship. Mocking or Belittling Your Goals Is your date or partner belittling your goals, passions, or achievements? That’s a method to make you doubt your confidence to feel less competent or independent. If it keeps happening for too long, your growth will be retarded, and this will make you doubt your potentials, which again facilitates their control. A supportive partner celebrates your success and encourages the fulfilment of your potentials. Jealousy A little jealousy may seem harmless, but when excessive, it’s a red flag. Jealousy can go from an insecure display to a manipulative and controlling tool in no time. Watch out for these patterns: no good relationship is based on suspicion but rather on trust. You are constantly proving your loyalty, and this could leave you emotionally drained, detached from your support system. Warning signs include the following: Monitoring your every move. Expecting you to respond immediately to texts and calls. Controlling your social media content. Isolating you from family and friends. Blaming you for their jealousy or insecurity. Using intimidation or threats to control your behaviour. Financial Control It is often the case that one
What is Personal Safety?
Personal safety represents the ability and right to live without threat or fear of psychological, emotional, or physical harm perpetrated by others. It has emerged as a key feature of human security, with great ramifications for individuals and social cohesion in general. Generally speaking, personal safety is defined in broad terms as liberty from physical harm, threat of physical harm, and liberty from hostility, aggression, and harassment. It is often expressed that personal safety is a matter of common sense, but common sense is not always translated into common practice. The disparity between the two underlines the importance of education, awareness, and strategies that are actionable to protect oneself. It also shows the need for change within society, whereby communities as a whole learn to place safety as one of the shared values. Defining Personal Safety I personally very much like the research piece titled Personal Safety on University Campuses – Defining Personal Safety Using the Delphi Method,in which Joanna Waters, Richard Neale, Sue Hutson, and Kevin Mears of the University of Glamorgan defined personal safety as “an individual’s ability to go about their everyday life free from the threat or fear of psychological, emotional, or physical harm from others.“ This definition underlines not just physical safety but also emotional and psychological security, an increasingly critical consideration in modern society. Similarly, the World Health Organization identifies safety as a determinant of health and well-being. According to them “…safety is not merely the absence of violence but the presence of conditions that promote security, trust, and freedom from fear.“ These perspectives provide a comprehensive framework for understanding personal safety in today’s increasingly complex and interrelated and integrated world. The Role of Situational and Environmental Awareness Personal safety pertains to situational and environmental awareness: the art of being observant and aware of one’s particular situation and environment. It allows the individual to identify any potential danger, make sound judgements, and take necessary actions to minimise the risk. It is an attitude and a skill that develops and improves with practice and learning. Principles of personal safety are: Trust your instincts: If you think something feels ‘off’—if you feel uneasy or scared, rely on your instinctive gut response. They are too often your initial defence. As Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, astutely writes, “It’s always right in at least two ways: it’s in response to something, and it has your best interest at heart.” Developing a close relationship with your intuition is essential in making timely and protective decisions. Be Aware: Be aware of your surroundings and the people in them, while projecting confidence. Know your environment and travel plans, as this knowledge can prevent becoming a victim. Know where the nearest exits are, allowing you to leave the area quickly if needed. Something as simple as walking with a purpose or maintaining steady eye contact with others can show that you are ready and aware; this can deter a potential attacker. Avoid Unnecessary Risks: Minimise your exposure to potentially dangerous situations by making thoughtful choices. For instance, choose well-lit routes, avoid isolated areas, and keep trusted individuals informed of your whereabouts. Pay attention to environmental factors such as available exits, crowded spaces, or areas with limited visibility, as these can significantly influence your ability to respond to threats. While it is impossible to eliminate all risks to personal safety, taking proactive steps to mitigate them can greatly enhance your sense of security and preparedness. Acting Under Danger: In the case of a threatening situation, try escaping instead of fighting if possible. Fighting back any aggression with aggression usually makes it escalate further and increases the likelihood of injury. You must make your objective to safely get away as fast as possible in such situations. Advance preparation and practice of confident responses can facilitate clear and assured action under the pressure of immediacy. But in those situations where there is no escape and the threat is imminent and life-threatening, one has to make surefooted and resolute action. At that moment, I want you to summon all your strength and willpower to neutralise the threat. For one brief, critical moment, allow yourself to set aside your inhibitions and moral code and use whatever force necessary to survive and create an opportunity to safely escape. For a more profound understanding of what real self-defence involves, from the legal, ethical, and practical perspectives, I invite you to my book, NEVER A VICTIM. It provides in-depth insight and strategies to help you take control of your personal safety. Incident Reporting: It is reporting even minor incidents that is a key factor in the protection of others and develops a pattern of unsafe behaviour. By sharing experiences, communities, personal safety app developers, and support organisations can build up databases of information that enable better-informed responses to future risks. Addressing Specific Challenges Some people have special problems and dangers that require specific strategies for self-protection. Statistics from around the world indicate that a significant percentage of the population, especially women, have experienced rape or sexual assault, stalking, drink spiking, or domestic abuse in their lifetime. This grim reality calls for sensitive and effective measures to help individuals lead their lives with freedom and safety. Practical Approaches to Empowerment Risk Factor Education: Understanding the dynamics of harassment, abuse, and violence as potential threats educates the individual on how such risks manifest. That is a good starting point. Practical Safety Measures: Self-defence training, personal safety apps or alarms, and mobile applications are just a few tools and mechanisms available to help one stay connected to their trusted networks in times of distress. Technology can provide real-time support and peace of mind when used thoughtfully for you and your loved ones. Community Support: It is much more than the building of support networks to share experiences and strategies. Such networks, provided through face-to-face interaction, community campaigns, or online platforms, offer a sense of solidarity and practical advice. A strong support
Navigating Online Dating Safety: A Quick and Easy Guide
Online dating has completely changed the rules of the game for women meeting and looking for a significant other. I can personally attest to this: nearly ten years ago, following my divorce, I faced the daunting challenge of navigating the new world of dating apps. However, fast forward a few of years, and I met my beautiful wife the old-fashioned way, while walking our dogs. (Yes, there is a long and beautiful story behind that, which I shall save for another time.) While online dating has undoubtedly opened possibilities for meaningful relationships, there are indeed dangers associated with it. For all its swipe-left-and-right ease, it requires a good deal of caution and consideration. Ensuring your safety, first online and then offline, is important. This article outlines essential strategies to protect yourself and make informed decisions during your online dating journey, because where safety is concerned, there can be no compromise. Choosing a Trustworthy Online Dating Platform The first step to safe online dating is choosing the right platform. I encourage you to use reputable dating apps or websites that put user safety first through various systems such as: Strong Privacy Controls: The dating app or site should have strong privacy settings that allow you to control who sees your dating profile and personal details. Identity Confirmation: This could include photo verification, which significantly reduces the likelihood of encountering a fake profile, reverse image search to identify visually similar images from across the web, or checks using government-issued ID. The wisest idea is to use completely different photos for a dating profile. It’s not difficult to perform a reverse image search on Google. If your dating profile includes a photo that can also be found on your Instagram or Facebook account, it will be far easier for someone to locate you on social media. Secure Communication Tools: Utilise tools like Google Voice to keep your phone number private and avoid sharing personal information too soon. Google Voice is a free service that provides you with a secondary phone number. You can use this number to send and receive calls and texts, keeping your real number private. This adds an extra layer of security and helps maintain your privacy until you feel confident about sharing more personal information. Private Mode: Apps that have private modes enable you to browse dating profiles without the other party knowing. This provides extra privacy. Blocking and Reporting: The ability to block and report users is essential for maintaining a safe online environment. It empowers individuals to take immediate action against inappropriate, abusive, or threatening behaviour, ensuring that offenders can be removed or flagged for further review. It is advisable not to make your profile too personal. Avoid sharing your full name, address, or precise workplace (be a bit more vague), or any other details that could easily compromise your privacy. Instead, focus on general interests or hobbies to create an appealing yet safe account. Conducting a Background Check Before you ever agree to meet in person, do a little research to verify the person is who they say they are. A simple online search on social media can often reveal inconsistencies between what they have shared and what is online. Take the name they have provided, perhaps combined with the city they say they live in, and check on Facebook, Instagram, or even LinkedIn. Alternatively, do a Google search and see what you can find. Most of us have a digital footprint, whether we like it or not. In addition, a reverse image search can let you know if the profile photos are theirs or stolen from elsewhere. While it’s not ideal to draw conclusions solely from what you might find online, this step can help you decide if a potential red flag is present. If something doesn’t add up, proceed with caution, put additional safety measures in place before any in-person meeting, or cease communication altogether. Safety within Online Communications When communicating initially, stick to your boundaries and use the in-app messaging system. Don’t give out your phone number or email address unless you feel comfortable and you have learned to trust the person. Watch out for manipulative warning signs, such as delving too quickly into very personal details, or love-bombing, smothering you with affection or excessive compliments in an attempt to fast-track your trust. Also, if someone reacts negatively to you saying ‘no’, this in itself suggests motives that are less than positive, ranging from scams to unhealthy dynamics. Consider setting up a video call with your match before ever meeting them in person. It’s a great way to verify that they are who they claim to be on their profile. If a person strongly resists a video call, that’s suspicious behaviour. Meeting in a Public Place When you plan to meet anyone in person, do so in a busy public location with plenty of lighting. Let a friend or family member know where you are going, who you are meeting, and when you are meeting. By sharing as much information as possible (you could even take a pic of your acquaintance’s car registration plate and send it to our trusted contact), someone will know where to look for you should something happen. Location Sharing These days, with advances in technology, you can share your location in real time on WhatsApp, Find My Friends, or Google Maps. You can allow someone you trust to locate you during the date. This is simply a vital tool for online dating safety. Send an update when you arrive and leave the venue. This simple step keeps your loved ones informed and ensures someone can take action if needed. There are many personal safety apps worth considering. I’m unable to recommend a specific one, as most are tailored to function in certain countries or regions and may not be available elsewhere. I suggest searching Google for “best personal safety apps” along with the name of your country. This should generate several recommendations. Be sure to review their
Trust Your Intuition: A Woman’s Greatest Ally for Personal Safety
Your intuition is an incredible ally when it comes to your safety, a gift that’s always with you. But in a world that prioritises logic and reason over gut feelings, countless women have been taught to silence this inner voice. Tragically, this conditioning has left many vulnerable, sometimes with devastating consequences. How many times have you had that quiet little voice inside telling you to change your plan or question someone’s motives? That voice, that intuition, is no mystical entity; it’s your innate survival system, honed for your safety, helping you to prevet falling victim to rape and sexual assault, domestic abuse, or stalking. I feel the best way for me to start this important article is by exploring first what intuition is. The word intuition comes from the Latin verb intueri translated as consider or from the late middle English word intuit, which means to contemplate. Two great resources to help us further understand what intuition is are the distinguished online publication Psychology Today, as well as Dr. Lois Isenman, Resident Scholar at the Women’s Studies Research Centre of Brandeis University. Psychology Today identifies intuition as: “…a form of knowledge that appears in consciousness without obvious deliberation. It is not magical but rather a faculty in which hunches are generated by the unconscious mind rapidly sifting through experience and cumulative knowledge. Often referred to as gut feelings, intuition tends to arise holistically and quickly, without awareness of the underlying mental processing of information. Scientists have repeatedly demonstrated how information can register on the brain without conscious awareness and positively influence decision making and other behaviour.” Dr. Lois Isenman, Resident Scholar at the Women’s Studies Research Centre of Brandeis University mentions three distinctive levels of intuition in her book “Intuition: A Journey in and Out of Science”: “At one level, the content level, intuition refers to insights that pop into the mind without effort and reorient understanding in important, novel, and sometimes radical ways. At another level, the processing level, it refers to a specific way of integrating information that occurs below awareness and supports direct knowing or knowing without conscious thinking. At yet another level, the evaluative level, it refers to an unconscious mode of evaluation that allows us to judge whether our own or others’ ideas are true.” Neuroscientist and Psychologist Joel Pearson of the University of New South Wales, who has studied this subject for 25 years, also found a way of explain it extremely well: “It’s processing all the things in the environment: the time of day, how well it’s lit, how well it’s not lit, the pace someone’s walking, the shadows, the tone—and a hundred other things. It’s making a prediction based on prior learning, situations you’ve been in, movies you’ve watched, and everything you’ve experienced in life.” Belief in yourself and trust your intuition This article is committed to helping you believe in yourself and defend both yourself and those around you through the use of your intuition, sometimes even by countering social pressures and societal norms. Intuition may have a supernatural quality to it, but it is most certainly not some random delusion, it is in fact a cognitive process. You cannot possibly pay attention to all the information that you are processing, so your subconscious does that work for you. Your intuition is based on your subconscious observations, individual experiences you might have had in your life or on the processing of relevant information in your subconsciousness. Intuition helps you to subconsciously consider and contemplate information without you being aware of the underlying mental processing of the information, and you are doing that at an incomprehensive level of speed. Intuition is so much faster than the step-by-step thinking that we rely on. It is knowing without knowing why. Your intuition will usually discard the irrelevant and value the meaningful. Your intuition will also recognise warning signals you may not consciously recognise, helping you identify potential threats or dangerous situations before they escalate. However, please note that your personal safety can be directly compromised if you choose to dismiss your intuition. You offer no greater cooperation to a potential attacker than by subconsciously acknowledging certain information, feeling uneasy because of your intuition, but then deciding not to take any action to change the situation. Allow me to give you an example: A female lone worker, employed by an insurance company is entering a block of apartments. On her agenda today is a visit to a family on the seventh floor, to discuss the details of a new insurance policy with a young husband and father of two. The woman who is usually not easily afraid is waiting for an elevator, and when the door opens, she sees a man inside. Something tells her that something is not right, something just does not feel right. She has got that feeling in her gut. It may be the late hour, his size, his facial expression, him avoiding eye contact or the way he looks at her, the rate of attacks in the neighbourhood, an article she has recently read, or the type of training she has recently undergone in her company – it does not matter at all why. The critical point is, she is now starting to feel a little anxious. How does she respond to her intuition, that exceptionally helpful tool nature has given her? She suppresses it, telling herself: “I’m not going to live like this, I’m not going to insult this guy by letting the door close in his face, I’m not going to make a drama out of this, and I’m not going to be silly.” Which is sillier: listening to and trusting your intuition, prioritising your safety, and waiting for the next elevator, or getting into a soundproofed steel box with a stranger who made you feel anxious or uneasy just 10 seconds ago? Why do so many women ignore their intuition? Despite its power, intuition is often suppressed in women due to social conditioning that prioritises politeness and
Take Action: How You Can Help End Violence Against Women
Starting today, 2025, ask yourself this: When you come across the words Violence Against Women online, do you stop and take notice, feel interested in reading further about the subject, or simply scroll past? Many of us have become desensitised to the many harsh realities of today’s society. Senseless violence against women has dominated our social media feeds for far too long: news reports of yet another domestic homicide, widespread outrage over another femicide in the street, or campaigns pleading with the government for meaningful change. You probably know the statistics: in 2020, for instance, some 47,000 women and girls were killed by their intimate partners or other family members, according to the United Nations. That works out at a woman or girl being killed every 11 minutes by someone in her own family. Indeed, in a new report published in November 2024, they claimed a woman or girl is killed by a member of her own family every 10 minutes. Can you see beyond the numbers? For many women, these facts and figures are not revelations; they are simply painful reminders of what they have endured and the strength it took to survive. You know, violence against women is not inevitable. Women shouldn’t have to live their lives in tears at the brunt of male violence, constantly adjusting their routines to keep themselves safe, and wondering whether they can still trust the police and others who are supposed to protect them. Here’s how you personally can help end violence against women: Listen to survivors It takes a lot of strength for victim survivors to speak about their experiences. I urge everybody to approach these moments with trust, empathy, and genuine compassion. Most importantly, listen carefully. It’s not just about what someone says—it’s often about how they say it or even what remains unsaid. I also urge everybody to believe survivors. If we are not concerned by the multitude of reasons preventing so many victim survivors from coming out of the shadows, then we probably need to have a huge rethink about whether we even care about ending violence against women. One in four women will face domestic abuse in their lifetime, yet survivors’ experiences are too often dismissed, trivialised, or ignored. This failure to believe them directly endangers all women. Believing someone brave enough to share their story is a powerful act that acknowledges the depth of this crisis. Educate yourself Why was she so drunk, or why was she dressed that way, if she did not want attention?If he treated her so badly, why didn’t she leave him much earlier?Why did it take her so long to speak about the abuse? Most of us unconsciously harbour various myths and misconceptions about violence against women, which may spread a culture of normalised violence. Probably the best counter to such beliefs is educating ourselves on the issue, through paying closer attention to news, reading relevant books and conducting research, or listening to some of the great podcasts out there. Call out your friends I believe, this one is most relevant to us men. If you hear one of your friends crack a misogynistic joke that clearly indicates a toxic mindset, why not call them out on it? You don’t have to fall out about it; it can be as simple as saying, “Hey, really?” You might be surprised how effective a simple questioning of someone’s comment can be. Speak up There are many ways to speak out against violence against women, from having open conversations about the issue to sharing informative and impactful content on social media. If you discuss this subject with others and start to think someone you know is being abused, help them to realise that free and confidential support is available from several specialist support organisations in their area. Believe, support, and encourage them, offer unconditional help, and never ever judge them. Volunteer Our time has become more and more valuable, so all of us need and want to invest it wisely. If you wish to dedicate some of your time to helping, rest assured that whatever your skills or passions, there is always an opportunity to support one of the many great organisations out there. I know your support, in whatever form, will be deeply appreciated and can truly make a difference. Disengage from rape culture Rape culture, described by Rape Crisis England & Wales as a “society where sexual violence and abuse is normalise, played down, and laughed off,” pervades all parts of life. Rape culture thrives when it goes unchallenged; let’s oppose those people with highly patriarchal, toxic, and fundamentally wrong opinions and mindsets. Promote healthy relationships and better sex education It is obvious that prevention is by far the most effective way of ending violence against women and girls, and this must begin with better education surrounding sex and relationships (RSE). Many experts in this field from around the world are calling for schools and colleges to provide RSE from the age of 16 years, or even as early as 14 years. This level of education should also come from loving parents. Parents of boys should emphasise how a kind and respectful man conducts himself. Parents of girls, likewise, should highlight to their daughters what a loving and healthy relationship is all about and, importantly, what acts or behaviours by a male partner are inappropriate, alarming, or even dangerous. Fundraise You don’t need to break world records, run through deserts or the Arctic, or take part in a world-famous marathon. Nor do you need to raise millions of pounds, dollars, or euros. In many developed countries, raising just £50 can provide a woman and her child with a night’s stay in a refuge—a small act that can make a life-changing difference. Every contribution helps, and every contribution is deeply appreciated. Use social media wisely Social media is essentially a virtual cesspit full of misogynistic rubbish. While it may seem unlikely to change, there are innovative digital ‘safe’ spaces where female victims
Understanding Technology-Enabled Sexual Abuse
The internet has become a powerful tool for predators, enabling them to gather detailed information about their victims’ routines, appointments, social habits, workplaces, and vehicle registration numbers. In many cases, they even gain personal insights, such as clothing preferences, mannerisms, and specific lifestyle choices. Most of this is achieved without raising suspicion, providing perpetrators with ample time to meticulously plan hostile actions and engage in technology-enabled sexual abuse. As a result, it becomes significantly harder for victims to detect and protect themselves from the looming threat. It could be argued that eliminating this threat is impossible, but we can take steps to mitigate it. Technology-enabled abuse is a very real concern, a far cry from the dismissive view of it as a “virtual issue.” Many cases go unreported, leaving the full scale of this problem unknown. Technology-based abuse takes many forms, including online grooming, livestreamed abuse, online sexual coercion, online sex trafficking, nonconsensual sharing of explicit media, and image-based sexual abuse. Some victims experience severe emotional distress, and in extreme cases, this can tragically lead to suicide. Understanding Image-Based Sexual Abuse (IBSA) What exactly is image-based sexual abuse? IBSA refers to a broad range of abusive practices where images are used for sexual purposes without meaningful consent. This can include the creation, manipulation, theft, extortion, or threatened or actual distribution of images or videos, as well as any misuse of images or videos for exploitation. IBSA may also involve sexual violence or harassment targeting digital representations, such as avatars in virtual reality or online gaming. If you wish to gain a far greater understanding of this rather disturbing subject, please allow me to recommend an article, titled “Image-Based Sexual Abuse Perpetration: A Scoping Review,” by Nicola Hendry et al. Types of Technology-Enabled and Image Based Sexual Abuse AI-Generated Fake ContentAI-generated content includes hyper-realistic images created using artificial intelligence, depicting individuals in explicit situations that never occurred. Deepfake technology often makes these images so convincing that detecting the forgery can be nearly impossible. As AI continues to reshape perceptions of reality, digital literacy and critical thinking skills are becoming increasingly essential. If you fall victim to such abuse, these skills can help you demonstrate the forgery and, if appropriate, provide evidence to your family, social circle, professional network, or police. Here are some ways to identify AI-generated content: Visual Oddities: Look for inconsistencies in details such as lighting, facial expressions, or reflections, areas where AI still tends to struggle. Speech Patterns: If audio is involved, listen for unnatural rhythm, overly perfect speech, or a lack of natural emotion and pauses. Source Verification: Trust only reputable sources and cross-check information across reliable platforms. AI Detection Tools: Tools such as Deepware Scanner and Sensity specialise in identifying deepfake videos and other forgeries by analysing pixel inconsistencies, metadata, and digital fingerprints. Background Inconsistencies: AI often simplifies or blurs backgrounds, missing subtle contextual details. Non-Consensual Distribution of Explicit MaterialThis involves sharing or posting sexually explicit images or videos without meaningful consent, representing a severe violation of privacy and bodily autonomy that often causes lasting emotional harm. I believe it’s important to acknowledge that I fully understand the desire to exchange intimate images, particularly among younger age groups or during the early stages of a relationship. However, it’s crucial to recognise that a relationship, which might initially seem healthy and promising, can sometimes deteriorate or change dramatically. In such instances, the intimate images you once shared in trust could end up in the hands of someone who now harbours hostile intentions with a potential desire to commit acts of technology-enabled sexual abuse. For this reason, I urge everyone to be mindful and conscious of the potential risks involved. Sexual Extortion (Sextortion)Perpetrators often use sexual images to blackmail victims, demanding additional explicit content, money, sexual contact, or compliance to maintain a relationship. This ties directly to my earlier point. Be extremely cautious about who you grant access to any sexual images of yourself. Recording Sexual Violence (RSV)This refers to the recording of sexual assault or rape, often when the victim is incapacitated or drugged. The case of French rape survivor Gisèle Pelicot is a shocking example. However, it is also a greatly empowering example of a woman who bravely waved her right to anonymity so the evidence could be heard in public, and so she could repeatedly remind the world that shame must change sides, and that shame lies with their attacker, not with the victim survivor. The recordings of these acts of violence may be shared online, including on mainstream pornography sites, compounding the trauma inflicted. Video Voyeurism (VV)These actions involve secretly recording the private activities of individuals, such as dressing, urinating, and showering without their knowledge. It also involves taking pictures of body parts in private settings that happen to be in a public place, like “upskirting” or “down-blousing.” Modern technology provides perpetrators with an ever-expanding arsenal of tools to control, abuse, and threaten. Preventing or stopping IBSA is exceptionally challenging, if not impossible. Resources for Technology-Enabled Sexual Abuse For a deeper understanding of online violence against women, I recommend the study Online Violence Against Women: A Four Nations Study. Led by Professor Olga Jurasz and funded by the Open University’s Open Societal Challenges programme in 2024, it represents the first comprehensive, large-scale study of online violence against women across the UK. The study examines the scale, impact, and societal attitudes towards such abuse. The research found that most participants in England recognised image-based sexual abuse as a form of online violence against women and girls (OVAWG), with 91% identifying it as such. Other forms included text-based abuse (87%), cyberstalking (86%), cyberbullying (85%), upskirting (84%), and cyberflashing (83%). Key factors driving these offences included online anonymity, the ease of escaping accountability, and the widespread sexualisation of women and girls. I have explored the subject of Technology-Enabled Abuse and many more related subjects in my book, NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety. I strongly encourage you to develop at least a basic understanding of this issue, as I believe it will play an increasingly significant role in the personal safety of women in the future. And whatever you do, and whereever you
How to Tackle the Rise of Misogyny Among Young Men
The rise of misogyny among young men is an issue of significant concern. Harmful and even malicious attitudes, often disguised as “just banter,” are fostering a culture where violence against women and girls (VAWG) remains alarmingly persistent. This isn’t just about words; it’s about actions and the wider harm inflicted on society. Misogyny among young people is not a minor issue or trivial social nuisance —it actually leads to real-world harm. Alarming Trends: Misogyny in Schools Misogynistic attitudes and behaviours are becoming increasingly normalised in schools. Teachers frequently report incidents of sexist language, harassment, and even violent bullying. According to the Ofsted Review of Sexual Abuse in Schools and Colleges (2021), 90% of girls and nearly half of boys have experienced unwanted sexual comments, touching, or sexist name-calling in school environments. This troubling normalisation was further exposed by Everyone’s Invited, which gathered more than 15,000 anonymous testimonies of sexual harassment and abuse in 2022. These accounts underscore a pervasive culture of misogyny that demands urgent action. Why Is Misogyny on the Rise? Social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube amplify misogynistic ideologies. We can also clearly see that influencers promoting toxic masculinity, victim-blaming, and regressive gender roles are normalising harmful attitudes and therefore fueling the rise in mishogony. A Girlguiding report found that 71% of girls aged 11 to 21 believe sexism is widespread on social media, with 35% having experienced harassment directly. Social media algorithms, designed to maximise engagement, often prioritise and amplify such content, making it difficult for young people to escape. This claim is supported by a study by University College London (UCL) and the University of Kent found that TikTok’s “For You” page showed a fourfold increase in misogynistic content over just five days, normalising harmful ideologies among young people. This amplification of extreme content by algorithms can lead to the spread and normalisation of misogynistic attitudes, contributing to further harm. However, misogyny in schools mirrors broader societal issues. In the UK, over 1.6 million women experience domestic abuse annually, and a woman is killed by a man every three days. High-profile figures in politics, policing, sports, and entertainment often engage in misogynistic behaviour without facing meaningful consequences. This sends damaging messages to young people, normalising harmful attitudes as acceptable. Four Ways to Combat Misogyny 1- Challenge the Opinion, Not the Person When addressing toxic views, avoid confrontations that may be perceived as personal attacks. Instead, encourage critical thinking with open-ended questions like: Where did you hear that? Do you think the source is reliable? How might this viewpoint affect others? This approach promotes reflection without triggering defensiveness. 2- Encourage Active Bystander Behaviour Empowering young people to safely challenge misogynistic behaviour can make a significant difference. Brook (formerly known as the Brook Advisory Service) provides a helpful framework, known as the 5 Ds: Direct: Confront the behaviour directly, e.g., “That’s not okay.” Distract: Change the topic or redirect attention. Delegate: Report the incident to a trusted adult, such as a teacher or parent. Delay: If immediate intervention feels unsafe, check on the affected person later. Disapprove: Use non-verbal cues, like walking away or showing disapproval, to convey your stance. 3- Promote Positive Male Role Models It helps boys and young men to witness male role models engaging in acts of healthy, respectful behaviour. These examples prove to them that kindness, empathy, and equality are true strengths. By seeing and following such positive role models, they are encouraged to challenge toxic stereotypes and instead embrace a more inclusive and empowering interpretation of masculinity. 4- Educate Yourself and Others Understanding the influencers, trends, and narratives that shape young people’s views is crucial. To ensure that any discussions we have with them are meaningful and effective, we need to engage with them in environments where they feel comfortable and receptive to our efforts. A Call to Action and Commitment Reducing violence against women is both an urgent priority and a long-term commitment. Tackling misogyny, whether online or offline, is essential but most certainly not sufficient. We must address the needs of young boys and men who have been exposed to abuse or violence, breaking cycles that might otherwise lead to further harm. Equally, we must challenge entrenched patriarchal mindsets that perpetuate inequality and violence. Clear, enforceable laws are also vital. Police must investigate every act of violence against women thoroughly, and courts must impose sentences that reflect the severity of these crimes. Building a society rooted in respect and equality is challenging but achievable. It requires urgency, focus, and decisive action—not just words. It is up to us to halt the rise of misogyny and, one day, put an end to it entirely. Do not forget, that you too can take action to help end violence against women. For women seeking to take proactive steps to improve their personal safety, my book, NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety, offers practical strategies, empowering advice, and a trauma-informed perspective.
Steps Women Should Take When Feeling Threatened or Unsafe
You might find yourself asking, “What can I do to stay safe when feeling threatened and unsafe?” Feeling threatened or unsafe can be a highly uncomfortable and stressful experience that affects you mentally, emotionally, and physically. You may feel afraid, confused, angry, or even blame yourself for being in that situation. However, what counts is your response. You must take back control. Understanding the Nature of Threats Threats come in many forms, and understanding their nature is essential to responding effectively. Each type requires a different approach, but the ultimate objective remains the same: protecting yourself. Broadly, threats can be categorised as: Immediate Threats: Urgent, violent situations where your safety is at risk, such as someone directly confronting you. Non-Immediate Threats: Situations that feel less urgent but are equally harmful, like receiving threatening messages or being blackmailed. Staying Safe When Dealing with Immediate Threats When there is an immediate threat, meaning someone is threatening you with violence (with or without a weapon), your personal safety needs to be the number one concern. Here’s how to respond: Stay calm: I fully understand how difficult it is to remain calm, but it is crucial. Fear clouds judgment, so do what I believe is the most important thing in such a moment: take a deep breath, as that will help you to focus on thinking clearly about what exactly is going on. You want to understand the precise threat i.e. distance between you and the threat, weapons being present or not, bystanders who might be able/willing to help, possible escape routes, the physical actions you wish to take to neutralise the threat. Escape if possible: Quickly scan your surroundings. Look for exits or safe places. Leaving the area safely is always preferable to physical confrontation. De-escalate if necessary: If escape isn’t immediately possible, try to calm the situation. Speak in a calm, neutral tone, avoid making provocative statements, and set clear boundaries without being confrontational. Subject to the type of threat, the person’s motive and your relationship to him etc., this might work or not. Defend yourself if needed: As a last resort, protect yourself using a simple self-defence technique. In certain situations, this may involve a powerful and violent ‘hammer fist strike’ or a palm heel strike against the attacker’s neck or throat. If you are very close to your attacker use your teeth and viciously bite him in his face as hard as you can, or grind yor thumb into one of his eyes. You might also aim to break one of your assailant’s fingers or other fragile bones. Defend yourself with any means necessary, using all the energy, force, and power you can summon. Avoid responding with a half-hearted defence. Trust your instincts and act decisively. For a comprehensive list of non-lethal and self-defence techniques, refer to my book NEVER A VICTIM. Document the incident: Once safe, record as much information as possible. This should include details about the individual, the location, any potential injuries sustained, and a clear account of what occurred. This will be invaluable when reporting the incident. Report to authorities: Call the police right away. If you believe you are in grave danger, make this clear and share all the evidence and information you have been able to memorise or compile. Staying Safe When Handling Non-Immediate Threats Non-immediate threats, though less urgent, can be just as troubling. These could include threatening messages, harassment, or blackmail. Here’s how to approach these situations: Assess credibility: Is the threat realistic? Does the person have the ability and intent to follow through? When in doubt, always err on the side of caution and treat it as credible. Document everything: Save emails, texts, social media posts, and other forms of communication. Screenshots and written notes can provide critical evidence. Inform people you trust: Let a friend, family member, or colleague know what is happening. You do not have to face this by yourself. Direct communication (if safe): If you know who is making the threat and it’s safe for you to do so, consider talking to the person about the issue. Ideally, have the conversation in a public place and ensure another person is nearby for added safety. Sometimes, open communication can help resolve a misunderstanding. Engage the police: Threats, even indirect ones, are considered illegal. Consider calling the police, as it yet another step toward protecting yourself. Stay Aware and Alert The environment will play a critical role in your safety when a threatening situation arises. Know your environment: Are there any exits? Are there CCTV installed? Can onlookers or passers-by help you? Seek public spaces: If you feel unsafe, move to well-lit, populated areas. Public visibility often deters aggressors. Engage bystanders: Don’t hesitate to ask others for help. Most people are willing to assist when they see someone in distress, but please communicate your need for help clearly, and tell any bystander what you would like them to do. Taking Action After the Incident Once the immediate danger has passed, focus on protecting yourself from further harm and processing the experience: Know your legal protection options: These may include actions such as filing for protective orders or pressing charges against perpetrators. Seek emotional support: Do not underestimate the emotional impact and trauma of a threat or violence. Confide in friends, family, or other support groups, and talk to a mental health expert if necessary. Coping with Blackmail or Manipulation Blackmail is a non-violent threat that may lead to feelings of extreme distress. Remain calm: Never make a rash decision; instead, take some time to reflect on your next move, and discuss the matter with others your trust. Don’t give in: Only comply if that is the safest thing for you to do. Consider other ways out, like taking legal advice, consulting an expert in this field, or going to the police first. Document and report: Gather evidence and bring it to the police’s attention. Blackmail is against the law, and you don’t have to put
Top 10 Personal Safety Tips For Women
Women’s safety hinges on vigilance. From physical threats and manipulative tactics used by perpetrators to technology-enabled abuse—often targeting women—being informed and proactive is crucial for all. The following personal safety tips for women are rooted in practical advice, trauma-informed principles, and a mission to empower women with confidence and security in all aspects of life. Personal Safety Tips for Women Trust Your Intuition – Your intuition is a powerful defence mechanism. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust that inner voice, no matter how inconvenient or illogical it may seem at times. Intuition helps you recognise dangerous situations—whether it’s a suspicious stranger, an unsafe location, or a familiar person behaving unpredictably. Social conditioning, particularly in patriarchal societies, often teaches women to suppress their instincts. Break free from this expectation and listen to yourself. Stay Attentive to Your Environment – Awareness is a highly effective way to stay safe. Keep your head up, remain alert, and limit distractions such as excessive phone use. Observe your surroundings, sharpen your senses, note exits, and be aware of who is nearby and their behaviour. Knowing potential safe spaces is lso especially important when travelling alone or in unfamiliar locations. Learn Self-Defence – Understanding how to effectively protect yourself in high-stress, real-life situations can be life-saving. Enrol in a reputable class taught by instructors with real-life experience, such as former police officers, prison staff, or military hand-to-hand combat instructors. Learning how to incapacitate an attacker through simple and easy to remember techniques not only boosts your confidence but equips you to act effectively and instictivly if threatened. Use Technology for Your Safety – Leverage technology to enhance your safety. Apps like Hollie Guard, bSafe, WalkSafe+, or Life360 allow you to share your location, alert trusted contacts, and send distress signals. Always keep your phone charged and carry a small portable power bank for emergencies whenever possible. Be Aware of Technology-Enabled Abuse – The rise of AI has introduced new risks, including deepfake technology used to create AI-generated explicit content. Safeguard your digital identity with strong passwords, two-factor authentication, and caution when sharing personal information or images online. Regularly monitor your digital footprint and report any suspected misuse to platforms or authorities promptly. I will be writing a more in-depth article on this specific subject in the next 30 days, so please visit my website again soon. Own Your Boundaries – Clearly communicating your boundaries can deter potential threats. Whether someone is invading your personal space or pressuring you to step outside your comfort zone, practise saying “no” firmly and without hesitation. Reinforce this with assertive body language and maintain eye contact. You have the right to defend your boundaries, and you should trust your innate ability to protect yourself. Plan Routes in Advance – When heading out, especially at night, plan your route ahead of time. Opt for well-lit, busy areas, and share your itinerary with someone you trust. When using public transport, sit near the driver or in populated sections. Carry one of those deafening personal alarms or whistles for added security and use reliable safety apps to stay connected. Also, stay in touch with loved ones when out and about and keep them up-to-date of your movements and plans. Stay Vigilant Against Spiking and Drug-Facilitated Assault – Drink spiking and even needle spiking remains a significant threat. Never leave your drink unattended, and if you suspect tampering, do not consume it. Use protective tools like drink covers or bottle stoppers when socialising and look out for friends who may be at risk. If something feels wrong, seek assistance from bar staff or security personnel immediately. Trust your intuition. Understand the Power of Non-Verbal Communication – Body language conveys powerful messages. Walking confidently, maintaining eye contact, and appearing alert can make you less appealing to predators. Predators often target individuals who seem distracted, unsure of themselves, or vulnerable. A strong, composed demeanour can act as a powerful deterrent. Know Where to Go for Help – Understanding your support options is essential. Familiarise yourself with local support organisations, emergency services, and helplines. In urgent situations, call emergency services immediately or contact a trusted person who can assist you. Being aware of available resources can be life-saving in critical moments. Specific Advice for Women Navigating Emerging Tech Threats Technology, particularly AI, has opened new avenues for exploitation. AI-generated revenge porn and non-consensual deepfake imagery can portray individuals in compromising situations, often for harassment or blackmail. Steps to Protect Yourself: Limit Online Sharing: Be cautious about the photos and personal information you share on social media or with others. Even sharing intimate images with a trusted partner or friend could lead to future misuse if relationships turn sour. Audit Your Digital Footprint: Regularly search your name and images online to detect potential misuse. Report Abuse Immediately: Most platforms have mechanisms for reporting non-consensual content. Take swift action to have such material removed. Seek Legal Support: Familiarise yourself with laws such as the UK’s Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015, which criminalises revenge porn. Stay Informed: Keep up to date with emerging threats and strategies to mitigate risks. For specific technology-based concerns, seek advice from IT experts or experienced professionals. As previously mentioned, I will be writing a more in-depth article on this specific subject in the next 30 days, so please visit my website again soon. Empowering Women Through Awareness and Action Personal safety tips for women must extend beyond physical preparedness; they must encompass aspects of emotional, psychological, and digital readiness. By staying informed, vigilant, and resourceful, you can significantly reduce your chances of becoming a victim of violence or exploitation. Personal safety is not about living in fear but rather about taking effective steps to live with confidence and security. These tips provide a solid foundation for staying in control, whether navigating daily routines or entering new environments. If you feel it is unfair that women must remain vigilant, cautious, and concerned at all times—limiting what, when, and how they live their lives—I wholeheartedly
How Can Women Protect Themselves from Domestic Violence and Abuse?
Domestic violence and abuse are persistent problems throughout the world, leaving behind a trail of destruction on individual and family levels. Since women are disproportionately affected by these heinous acts, there is a need to empower them with knowledge, resources, and actionable steps towards protection. This brief article covers practical strategies, safety tips, and resources you can use to protect yourself from domestic violence and abuse. By understanding the warning signs, leveraging support networks, and adopting proactive measures, women can take significant steps to safeguard their safety. Recognising the Warning Signs of Abuse The first step in protecting yourself is recognising the signs of abuse. Early identification of such behaviours will help one take precautionary measures before the situation worsens. These warning signs may include: Emotional manipulation: Abusive partners use constant criticism, gaslighting, or isolating you from loved ones as manipulative tactics. Physical violence: Any form of physical harm or threats of violence. Controlling behaviour: Monitoring your movements, finances, or communications, including social media. Sexual abuse: Forcing you into unwanted sexual acts or not giving you bodily autonomy. Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship Practical Steps to Protect Yourself From Domestic Violence The process of protecting yourself against domestic violence and abuse requires awareness, preparation, and support. My book, entitled NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Personal Safety, provides complete guidance and strategies on how you can increase your personal safety and how you can protect yourself from domestic violence. It also highlights all manipulative strategies used by abusers. However, here are some useful actionable strategies to consider: Create a safety plan. You need a safety plan that is personally tailored to your unique circumstances to help you manage potentially dangerous situations. Your safety plan should include: Names and numbers of trusted people to contact in an emergency. A safe place to go if you need to leave your home in a hurry. Valuable documents, some cash if possible, and a bag packed ready with essential items kept safe. This should include medication that you and your children may need. A recent photograph and the car registration number of your partner (if possible). Share this information with trusted individuals who can help monitor your safety wherever you are i.e., at work. Trust your intuition. Your intuition is a truly powerful ally in recognising danger. Women often dismiss their gut feelings to conform to social or gender norms, but your intuition always prioritises your well-being. If something feels wrong, please take it seriously. Know your abuser’s red flags. Observe your abuser behaviour trait and patterns and be watchful of actions that show your abuser is getting upset and may explode. Think of legitimate reasons to go out (i.e., day or night) if you think it may escalate. Get help and support. Isolation is a common tactic used by abusers. Maintain connections with trusted friends, family, or community groups. If confiding in someone close isn’t an option, reach out to one of the great support organisations or helplines for assistance. These resources can provide: Domestic violence shelters offering temporary housing and support. Legal aid organisations to help with restraining orders or court proceedings. Dedicated helplines and support organisations providing immediate emotional support and advice. Examples include the UK’s Women’s Aid, The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US, 1800RESPECT in Australia, and SaferSpaces in South Africa. However, you can also search for local support groups online. Identify safe areas in your home. Know where to go when your abuser becomes violent or hostile. Avoid small, confined spaces with no exits or rooms with potential weapons such as the kitchen. If possible, head to room containing a phone and having direct access to an outside door or window. You might want to consider identifying a room you might aim to escape to, a room you can prepare in advance i.e. with a mobile charger, a flashlight, and some type of deafeningly loud personal alarm. Practise safe escape. Go through your escape plan so you know what to do immediately should you be attacked. Involve children (subject to age and mental capacity) in the practice if you have any. Please keep practising it, imagining different scenarios. Use technology wisely. Technology, such as mobile phones, can be your greatest ally in emergencies but also your worst enemy if not used carefully. Make sure to protect yourself by: Regularly changing passwords and keeping them private. Examining devices for tracking software or spyware. Utilising apps designed for safety, such as personal alarm apps or silent emergency alerts. Train in self-defence. Physical fitness and self-defence techniques can instil confidence and physical means to defend oneself. While self-defence is not a complete answer to domestic violence, it is a good skill to know. Find an experienced instructor who understands the dynamics of real-life violence. It would significantly help you to protect yourself from domestic violence. Understand legal protections. Familiarise yourself with local laws and available legal resources. Many countries offer protective or restraining orders that prevent abusers from contacting or approaching their victims. Consult legal experts or organisations specialising in domestic violence for tailored advice and support. The Role of Society in Supporting Survivors of Domestic Abuse While empowering women is critical, addressing domestic violence requires a collective effort. Communities, governments, and institutions must: Educate the public about the realities of domestic abuse. Hold abusers accountable through legal and social consequences. Offer comprehensive support services to survivors. This means we must listen carefully, assure them of our unconditional help, empathise with them, and above all we must not be judgemental. Your Next Step Empowerment of women in the ways to protect themselves against domestic violence and abuse starts with knowledge. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, take the first step towards getting help. Learn more and find resources at www.womens-safety.com.